My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
