there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
