That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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