gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My feet surprised me
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
