yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
