Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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