apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
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My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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