I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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