My girlfriend figured out who you are.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Maybe he injected his testicle?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
