How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
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The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
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He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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