I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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