I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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