if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
