Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
