Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize