She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
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I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
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All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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