u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
