I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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