I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
