i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
