Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
