I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
