His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
