its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
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Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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