OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
