period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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