maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
