i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
