Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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