cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
