Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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