The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
