you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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