Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
