end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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