wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
