You can't motorboat a personality
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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