People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
