i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
