There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
