yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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