omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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