y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
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she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize