just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
