I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Randomize
