then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
