Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
