Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
