My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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