One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
