My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
