hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
