I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize