apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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