Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
