my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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