Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
