***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
