You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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