it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
