somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
