So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
