dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
