i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
