You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
