I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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