"it" just moved
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
