Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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