4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
