Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
