remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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