didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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