i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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