So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
