Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
