She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
