He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
