My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
