when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
