You can't motorboat a personality
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
