It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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