I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
